I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
