We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
