Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She bit a glass in half.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
