he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's official drugs can't kill me
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Randomize
