I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
