so explain again why im purple
no
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
