I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
farters have to be the big spoon...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize