Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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