Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
