I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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