then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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