We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
