Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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