This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
This can only be settled by a dance off.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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