Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize