We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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