GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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