We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
