if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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