and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
