Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
