I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
