perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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