Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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