There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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