she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
