And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
