Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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