i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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