He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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