did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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