I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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