Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
