there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
