Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
