Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
