why didn't you poke me back
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
