you guys were way drunker than both of me
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
That was an excessively violent trivia night
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
