A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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