Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he puts the penis in happiness.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
