It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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