she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He shit in the fireplace
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
