i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
