sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
