you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
