; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
