I must be too annoying 4 u.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
