Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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