Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize