She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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