Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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