College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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