so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Operation Purity has been aborted
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There's always time for handjobs
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
