my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
