captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
