When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
