this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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