we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
