you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
if only i could text you this smell
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
