i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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