i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
