You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize