to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
