If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
