so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
