never play flip cup with pint glasses
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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